He's inspired me not just a little!

  A while back, I started on a project. It was intended for my brother, a guy who is seeking for different kind of  answers to some of life’s questions, but remains unable to connect to God. Despite this, he will occasionally express a desire for some kind of faith in something ‘bigger than him’ to help him receive the greater joy and hope he sees in myself and other people of faith. In response to this, I began to write for him short reflections on the readings and the Saints of the day in the Calendar of the Catholic Church (this means I end up discussing both major saints celebrated in the Calendar, and those forgotten by the calendar). Some people –both Catholic and non Catholic- have mentioned it would be a good idea to include this on a blog. So this is my effort to do so. I was a little reluctant to turn this into a blog, mainly because I still don't know how to design a very aesthetic blog and it may not look pretty as I struggle with font colors, pasting and various other Bloggy things. Nonetheless, I'll assume that content is more important than design here, and will proceed to put these reflections on my blog!

 A few words about these reflections:
1) They're partly written for my brother and any people out there who are a little unfamiliar with Catholic belief and culture. This means I sometimes take the time to discuss very basic catholic ideas/themes that should be known by most Catholics. However, I try to mix the basic stuff with reflections on big theological and christological themes, so any interested Catholic may also derive some enjoyment from reading this as well!
2) My main source for any entry on the Saints is the website  Catholic.org, which uses Wikipedia for its information. What it does that Wiki does not is list the Saints for every single day. This is why I intend to continue integrating this website in my reflection whenever possible. I'm not a big fan of Catholic.org as a website, as one often finds a lot of empty anti liberal propaganda on it, but despite the rhetoric, it still serves as a good Catholic resource
3) One final influence on my blog, is Pope Francis. I already read him regularly, and intend to include his insight on a certain passage or saint whenever possible!

4) I'd like to write an entry a day..but that's not going to happen. Even I know that! So, I'll commit to writing an entry whenever time allows. It may be every 2nd day, or it may be everyday, if I can learn to perfect my blogging efficiency and keep my work on these blogs under 45 minutes -which I most definitely did not do for this one! Hopefully, I'll get better with time!-

5)   A brief disclaimer before we begin: Yes I'm will be writing these words from the perspective of my Jesuit formation as often as I can, but also from that of my own personality. Therefore the words I will be uttering here will not reflect the opinions of the the entire Society of Jesus in Canada, but are merely the opinions of this one Brother within the society. 

Thank you for your patience... 
and now…
quoting a well known Jesuit Scientist Priest of the 20th century,  Thearde de Chardin, and his famous words when describing the Cross:

 Upwards, Forward ( En Haut, en Avant). 
Meaning? 
The Cross points upward, so we can move forward!

Daily Readings and Saint for Saturday, April 27, 2013

Our Saintly guy:

 He's actually not celebrated in the official Catholic calendar until December, but he is celebrated in the Jesuit one, so I figured I'd start this series of reflections with him:

St Peter Canisius 1521-1591

 He's most remembered for being a great debator, and is notorious for arguing/debating with Protestants during the reformation especially in Germany,Austria, Switzerland and other places.The restoration of the Catholic Churchin Germany after the Protestant Reformation is largely attributed to the work there of the Society of Jesus, which he led. He is  venerated as a Doctor of the Church. (of course, he's not The Doctor of the Church, but that's another story for another time!). 

 It was through Peter Faber that he met the Society of Jesus and by 1543, became the first Dutchman to enter the society -only 3 years after the creation of the Society of Jesus-.His preaching was said to have been so convincing that it attracted hundreds of Protestants back to the old faith. By the time he left Germany, the Society of Jesus in Germany had evolved from a small band of priests into a powerful tool of the Counter Reformation, the Catholic response to the Reformation.

Through his preaching and writings, Peter Canisius became one of the most influential Catholics of his time. 

 In his fight with German Protestantism, he requested much more flexibility from Rome, arguing:

"If you treat them right, the Germans will give you everything. Many err in matters of faith, but without arrogance. They err the German way, mostly honest...very open for everything Lutheran. An honest explanation of the faith would be much more effective than a polemical attack against reformers."

You've heard from Wiki, now I'll have my say: The quote you just read is an important one for our time. There is a bit of arrogance on the part of Canisius -in the original quote, he calls Germans simple minded-, but there is also a EVER SO IMPORTANT theme for us today: the futility of polemical rhetoric. This lesson is for anyone out there who thinks they can convince people that they're right, by insulting them, swearing at them, or demeaning them. And there are Catholics who do this as well...we are not immune from this heinous, unchristian behavior. I don't deny we need to defend the faith against anyone who  limits our rich heritage of 2000 years to their criticism of the Church because of  The Crusades, the Sex scandals, and the Church's unpopular position on social issues like gay marriage ,contraception and women's ordination. But maybe the point is that, we can communicate our faith better, not by being arguing against others who don't believe, but by talking, dialoguing  with them.By honestly explaining what we believe, not by getting offended and defensive (and hostile) every time a person attacks our Church. It turns out, although he was famous for his debates, Canisius was not a big fan of these. He felt that  the Church could achieve more by simple communication, not argumentation.  There's wisdom in that. Now all I have to do is figure out how to live it for myself and how to teach it to others!

Readings 

 If you've been following the readings from Acts at all this week, you'll see that the 'dialogue' in those days wasn't necessarily the priority. For the Apostles who had just witnessed the true pascal mystery of Christ's death for our sins, resurrection from the dead, and ascension into heaven, the time for pleasantries was long gone. It was time to challenge the world, to get people to understand that this guy wasn't any other mad  prophet. He was for real. 

 But many people were somewhat angered by this proclamation. -the authors keep emphasizing that those who were furious at the early Christians were Jewish, but this is irrelevant to me. It's not their Jewishness that prevented them from hearing the message of Jesus, but their humanity. If Christ came back today, I believe that many people, regardless of their cultural identity, would struggle with his message, including Christians!!- What we should remember from today's first reading from the book of Acts, is the resilience of the Apostles to preach the Gospel despite the danger this exposed them to. However, what's most important today is the shift: This message that was once intended mostly for the children of Israel, is now being heard, and received by Gentiles with great joy! It's a reminder of what it was that fueled these apostles. They must have been broken hearted that their  Jewish brethren refused to recognize the wonderfully complex nature of Jesus Christ, and yet, filled with hope at how the spirit moved in many other people all over the world. Suddenly, these old songs captured 100s of years earlier by their ancestor David and written down in the Psalms must have made so much more sense to them " Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises!"

 However, in Jesus' lifetime, that song of praise sung around the world was not to be, because Jesus' message, as I mentioned earlier, was difficult. Last week, we heard of how some of his disciples began to leave his side when his teachings got too complicated. And today, his followers are confronted with this notion of the duality of Christ's nature. Both man and God. This means, anything he says comes from the Father. There can be no more doubts about this. And yet, there were doubts...Phillip is the one brave enough to voice his confusion, but you can be sure that most of the apostles are scratching their head saying 'so he's here, but he is connected to God at the same time???HOW!! THAT WOULD MEAN HE'S BOTH HUMAN...AND DIVINE...HOW!!?" 

Good question. 

It took us close to 300 years to wrap our minds around it, and many of us still struggle with the how. But Jesus almost seems to be saying 'forget about the how. Just believe, and you'll see what you can achieve when you do.' This may be a lot to ask in our age of reason and rationality, but like the disciples, I have nowhere else to turn but him at the end of the day...so I'll take my chances, take that leap of faith in him, as joy, hope and love continue to unfold within me.

 Acts 13:44-52

44	The next sabbath almost the whole city gathered together to hear the word of God.
45	But when the Jews saw the multitudes, they were filled with jealousy, and contradicted what was spoken by Paul, and reviled him.
46	And Paul and Barnabas spoke out boldly, saying, "It was necessary that the word of God should be spoken first to you. Since you thrust it from you, and judge yourselves unworthy of eternal life, behold, we turn to the Gentiles.
47	For so the Lord has commanded us, saying, `I have set you to be a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the uttermost parts of the earth.'"
48	And when the Gentiles heard this, they were glad and glorified the word of God; and as many as were ordained to eternal life believed.
49	And the word of the Lord spread throughout all the region.
50	But the Jews incited the devout women of high standing and the leading men of the city, and stirred up persecution against Paul and Barnabas, and drove them out of their district.
51	But they shook off the dust from their feet against them, and went to Ico'nium.
52	And the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit

Responsorial Psalm, Psalms 98:1, 2-3, 3-4

1	O sing to the LORD a new song, for he has done marvelous things! His right hand and his holy arm have gotten him victory.
2	The LORD has made known his victory, he has revealed his vindication in the sight of the nations.
3	He has remembered his steadfast love and faithfulness to the house of Israel. All the ends of the earth have seen the victory of our God.
4	Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth; break forth into joyous song and sing praises!

Gospel, John 14:7-14

7	If you had known me, you would have known my Father also; henceforth you know him and have seen him."
8	Philip said to him, "Lord, show us the Father, and we shall be satisfied."
9	Jesus said to him, "Have I been with you so long, and yet you do not know me, Philip? He who has seen me has seen the Father; how can you say, `Show us the Father'?
10	Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority; but the Father who dwells in me does his works.
11	Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father in me; or else believe me for the sake of the works themselves.
12	"Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I go to the Father.
13	Whatever you ask in my name, I will do it, that the Father may be glorified in the Son;
14	if you ask anything in my name, I will do it.

Homily for October 6th

 Dear friends,
For the few who have been following this blog at a distance, I apologize for my long period of silence. Part of me has simply lost the interest in blogging, but part of me is also just very busy. that being said, I don't want to give up on this blog, and have much to share with you. So don't give up on me quite yet! Here's a homily I will be giving to my community in about 15 minutes time..so you get the preview!!

The one question that stays with me after pondering today’s readings, is how do we know God? Perhaps some here have been challenged by Atheist friends to answer this question in a different way ‘how can you know something that you can’t see’. We may dismiss the challenge by saying something like ‘I see him in my heart, and you can’t disprove anything I experience there…so shut up’. But the question is a genuine one of those who are seeking. I’ve shared in a previous homily that one of my fondest memories of Don Flynn was sharing a meal with him in a restaurant, and suggesting to him that it didn’t seem realistic for us to speak of knowing the infinite, that God would always remain mysterious to us, no matter how hard we tried to ‘know him’, to which he of course replied ‘but you already know him’.

And this is precisely what Job is confronted with today.  As we saw with a very short flyover the book of Job this week, this man KNEW God his entire life and  had always been faithful servant to this God that he thought he knew, and  yet even he in his righteousness would be challenged in his knowledge of God. In short, what we learn from his experience is that it’s possible to say that we know God while still admitting that we have no clue what he’s really up to.Leading up to the reading  of yesterday, what we did not see during this week’s readings, is that although Job was deeply trusting and faithful to God, he at the same time was ready to take God to court, in order to plead with him, convince him that he has never done anything wrong and always remained righteous, and is therefore highly undeserving of this rather harsh treatment he’s received. As we saw yesterday, God responded to that with what can only be described as taunting rhetorical questions. This is an incredibly dramatic point in the narration, and if they had made a soap opera out of the book of Job, after God’s speech, there probably would have been a dramatic zoom in on Job’s face, and before he ever got to respond, there would have been a fade out, and a voice over saying ‘will he grovel before god, or will he throw a tantrum. Tune in next week when Job has his final words on the last episode of “Yahweh, the God I never Knew’.

Well, as we know quite well, in the end, Job did know God. He knew him all along. Let’s not forget that he himself declares God’s qualities to his friends during his own response to their misguided commentaries. He had just lost sight of that knowledge in the heat of the confrontations and challenges from his ‘friends’. And yet, through his hardship, his relationship to God has changed in a way (the Psalm summarizes that sentiment perfectly with one verse ‘It was good for me that I had to suffer, the better to learn your judgements). The viewers of this Soap opera would have to be given an indication that nothing will ever be the same between Job and Yahweh. And then of course, Job gets his day in the sun again, receiving more blessings than he had before and yes, it’s striking that not only are Job’s daughters are named, but one is called turtledove, and another Mascara, but that will have to be the subject of another soap opera.

By the time we get to the Gospel, it seems that we move away from the theme of knowing God and his works. There is a great celebration of a rare win by the disciples, and an even rarer moment of Jesus overjoyed with their work. But we get one powerful insight on his work today, as he gives thanks for all the knowledge is hidden from the wise ones. He’s basically rejoicing in the fact that is going to spend the rest of days on earth misunderstood, or not fully understood by the whole world, even those who love and follow him.  How, in this moment he was able to feel joy around this, is beyond me.  My reaction would have been more like ‘you idiots will never get this, I’m out of here’. But he rejoices in this because he knows that even the little that the disciples do see and hear exults them, and brings them closer to God.

 As for us, our knowledge of God is limited as was Job’s, as what that of the Disciples…but what we do with that limited knowledge is what brings us into that loving relationship. Whether like our saints of the day, we chose to be a loving presence among the poor or to live simply  and poorly, or whether we simply open ourselves to receiving God’s presence in all that we do,  let us pray that this knowledge allow us  a deeper intimacy with God, and with his all his children.

Anne Marie

Today, I wanted to speak about encountering the soul of Venezuela. That was my intention. this past week, my quest for an experience  of that soul came to an fulfilment in the tiny town of Guasdualito on the border with Columbia. I want to talk about them and their amazing faith. But today, July 21^st, another event in my past implores my attention.

 4 years ago today, I was leaving my apartment, roller blades in tow. I was heading off to work. Carla, My brother’s girl friend  (who shared an apartment with my brother right beneath mine) opened the door to their apartment as she saw me heading out:

 “ Where are you going?” she asked a little confusedly.

“ To work” was my meek reply.

“ You sure that’s such a good idea today? I mean…”

“I have to. I can’t just stay put.  I just…I gotta go…see you later”

I don’t remember the whole roller blade ride to work. I remember that on my path to work, there were something like 5 Churches, most of them Catholic. Every day on my way to work as I passed each one, I would cross myself, or say a prayer for those who needed it. This day was no different. I also remember listening to my music, and enjoying it so much more than usual that day. I think I felt like I was sharing it with her a little more. Maybe her spirit was already with me.

 When I got to work, I sat down and was ready for whatever God would grant me. Was it going to be a full day of work? I knew it wasn’t. Still, I wanted it to be. I wanted life to continue. I wanted…a break. My boss knew this was going to be a hard day for me. She and I stepped out for a few minutes. We sat together. She shared with me some of her experiences  (“ It’s never easy. You may even feel anger today. Don’t reject those feelings. Don’t be afraid to be emotional”) and the phone rang. I already knew it was going to be for me.  9am.

 a co worker: “It’s your dad on the line for you”. Damn it. No…couldn’t we delay this just a bit more…

“ Ya dad?”

“She’s gone. Your sister just passed away. Please find a way to come down to the hospital quickly.”

33  She was 33 years old.

 While many people in my family were breaking out of their usual agnosticism or atheism to blame God for this, I was angry at her for giving up so quickly. Did I have a right to be angry? Of course not, but I think my boss was right. Every emotion needs to be allowed on this day.  And like my sister’s fiancé Keith, I was a little angry that she had given up her battle against Locked in Syndrome so quickly. But I let go of that anger. I don’t know if I would have the courage to face this condition either.

 Keith would be suffering much more than I this day.

My sister passed away in his arms. When my parents walked into her hospital room in the palliative care ward, he was lying next to her in tears, holding on to her for dear life, even though she had not been able to hug him back for weeks because of her condition. Can I say for the record: I am so glad I went into work and missed that scene. I would have lost it. I would have completely…lost it.

A few days later, Keith (an atheist) and I were standing in my parents' kitchen, waiting for our families to congregate for one last feast in her honor…

“ Danny, you have to tell me something man, because I just don’t get it. After all that your sister has gone through for 8 years because of the cancer, and then the Locked in Syndrom at the end, all this pain that such a beautiful person experienced…how can you still believe in God?”

“…”

 The bell rang as I was thinking of how to phrase my response. I never got to answer.

What would I have answered?

I could have been mean and said “ has being angry at God  helped you heal?”

 I could have dismissed him “ Keith, I could stand here all day explaining it to you, and you wouldn’t get it. What’s the point?”

In truth, at that time, I would not have had any answer for him…so it was for the best that the bell rang. Today, I would say that this experience helped me be more sympathetic to everyone else who goes through this kind of loss and pain. People have told me that they appreciate the expressiveness in my face when they share about losing their parents or siblings, that it’s almost as if I was sharing the pain with them.  I can honestly think of no better way of being Christocentric, of being loving to all…but I can’t do that without God.

That’s why I believe Keith…that’s why.

But I still miss her so much. 

Pizza, Prayer and the eternal fire (in the arcade)!

In the Arcade Fire song 'Month of May' there's a line that mesmerises me: "Just when I knew what I wanted to say, a violent wind blew the wires away". As it the case with many of their songs,  I don't necessarily have a perfect understanding of what is being depicted here, but there are 2  images that kinda stand out for me:
1) We depend so much  on technology to communicate our experiences to others (this blog would be living proof of that!) that if this technology were to fail - 'the wires being blown away'- we may be paralysed.
2)  " just when I knew what I wanted to say" to me implies that we don't always know exactly what to think or say or how to express our views. There can be a struggle behind finding the exact words to communicate our  experiences to those around us.

 This blog  entry is in part inspired by that 2nd idea. This would bring the total of number of blogs where I wrote about, or was inspired by this band, to 3 in the last 3 months! In another blog I contribute to (http://iboetnonredibo.blogspot.com/2012/05/finding-god-in-rock-part-2.html,) I wrote about how Arcade Fire (AF) has this eerie ability to write songs that become spiritual for me. The music allows me to transcend the world, but their  lyrics bring me back down with powerful images that don't always make sense but that somehow manage to make some reflections on the world we live in. In that particular blog entry, I mentioned a rather abstract, spirtiual experience generated through the music of their most recent album, 'The Suburbs'. Today's entry may be a little abstract as well, but it relates to a more concrete experience that had a strong impact on me.


Before I describe this experience, perhaps a little context: One thing my readers should know about my faith is that  although I support the Vatican and love the wise words that can emerge from that sacred place, I'm not one of those Catholics that blindly agrees with everything Rome says.  Nor am I the kind of Catholic that is a radical liberal Catholic who assumes that everything that our society is fighting for is always right, and that the Church is always wrong. My middle ground is the following: I am committed to following Christ till the end of the earth and beyond. I am eager to  fight for a heavenly cause -justice, peace, tolerance-  in the name of love, so that God's Kingdom may triumph over the evils of our world. However, I do not do any of this without questioning my faith. Especially nowadays: There are many out there who are making a mess of this Church of ours by reducing it to a community of people whose main concern is to  stand against the world and it's liberal values, rather than being a community that tries to love this sinful world as Christ did. Loving it does not imply agreeing it, but nor does it imply judging it. God alone is judge. Unfortunately, what triumphs in the Church these days is a mentality of criticising without loving the sinful world we're in. There continues to be much craziness done in the name of the Church, and there are moments when I feel it would be easier to just give up everything and quit this community.

But I don't want to. In fact, even if I sort of half wanted to, I wouldn't. I belong here more than I've belonged anywhere else in my life. The problem is, I don't always remember or understand  why that is. I get so wrapped up in wanting to defend my beloved Church from the angry  ( at times justified, at times, just plain uneducated) cries of the mob in the secular (and Catholic) world, that I forget to stay close to the heart of this Church, which is the heart of Christ. It's that easy for me to find the right words to express why I love Jesus, and why I chose to follow him in the Catholic Church: Go to the heart. If I did, I may understand why it is I'm willing to put up with all the craziness, and even expose myself to more! Well, those of you with faith know how God works: You may not expect solutions or answers from the big divine, but God will provide them nevertheless.Last Friday, that is exactly what he did for me. He used a seemingly unspectacular event, to help me gain perspective. It was a simple event...one I experience almost every day: Mass.

                                                    "In the Suburbs I learned to drive.."

Prior to mass, I had just spent the last 3 hours preparing pizza for the night's supper. With the wonderful inspiration provided by  AF's the Suburbs album, I prepared the dough( which we made the night before), put it in pizza shape, and covered it with tonnes of sauce, meat and veggies. It was a labor of love, but with the music, it almost became a prayerful act. By that time I was done though, I was pretty exhausted and really really not in the mood for Mass .Then our guests for the evening arrived. 5 sisters from a neighbouring community and their mother superior (no she did not jump the gun!). Just being with these young women of faith alone was inspiring enough, but there were other moments that absolutely blew me away.  You're probably thinking " why would it 'blow you a way'? You experience Mass everyday don't you?" Certainly. But the mood was different this time.

   I realized, as we were all saying the same responses together, with great synchronism, how united we become, how much of a family we really are because of our prayers, our faith, and our walk with Jesus. Here we were, men and women, First world and 3rd world people, Canadians, Venezuelans, Columbian, Puerto Ricans and others...united in prayer, the same prayers that each of our ancestors had been saying for more nearly 2000 years, and the next generation of Catholics will continue saying thousands of years from now. My heart was indeed on fire with joy over this. To know that I was part of something great because the man we were following was the greatest thing that has ever happened to this little planet of ours (next to this planet's creation of course!).It's strange though. Our hearts can catch the eternal fire, and then forget that it ever experienced its divine warmth in the first place. That speaks not to the ephemeral quality of the fire, but to our own weakness as humans, our struggles to contain or understand it.

 Meditating on this eternal fire did allow me to find those elusive words that explain why I remain a Catholic despite all the messiness: What is it that generates this warmth in me when I think of the Church? Continuity, unity, but especially...diversity. This is what was expressed by our group that night, and this is what inspires me about the Church. There is so much working against the Church these days, from  angry secularists who are eager to dismantle the church, to defensive traditionalists, who are so desperate to preserve the faith they've always known that they'll protest everything that may mean change in the Church. Both groups upset me, but neither group is strong enough to overcome this unity we have in the Church through our prayers, and the Mass.  We may be divided, but God only sees our unity. The eternal fire transcends all our conflicts, all our struggles, and leads us to a greater experience of joy and freedom every single time. Wow, it sounds like I finally found what I wanted to say about this faith of mine! And the wires haven't been blown away yet (-;

 Peace to all of you, and blessings on your journey, your quest to finding the right words that capture your experience of life!

Faith Renewed?

 Last Sunday,was the feast of John the Baptist. This is a figure that's been an inspiration for me over the years for his ability to call us out of our comfort zone, and call us to a life of radically following Jesus. June 24 therefore is more important for me because of  it's religious and spiritual connotation and not so much for it's cultural political ones in Quebec. It has a way of renewing my journey in ways that only Easter and Christmas usually can! Last Sunday was no different as I found myself in a bit of a 'rut' that day, and was in the end rather renewed in spiritual energy because of the Mass at the local parish. Some of you may pick up on  the  "renewed energy" bit, and may wonder " were you in need of renewal?  That" , you may conclude " might imply that you weren't doing so great to begin with. What's wrong?"

Not a heck of a lot is wrong, but something is a little off. To put it mildly, I feel a bit disconnected from reality here. My entire world consists of studying, a language -which is a process I find frustrating to begin with- and visiting great Jesuit works without really being involved in them. So I'm part of the community simply as a student and as an observer of the culture. I'm comfortable with the 2nd role more or less, but not with the first, which often leaves me frustrated. I always swore as a Jesuit that I would never be 'just' a student, and usually, our vocation would not permit it. We have apostolates and encounters with people that permit it us to be Christ to the world while we busy ourselves with studies. Here, my blogging and responding to people's blogs has helped me do some 'ministry' but I'm not in my element.

    And this is to be expected. Part of language learning and immersion is that you need to feel like you don't belong for a little while until you fully adapt to the language.  And that won't happen soon for me. This means that very often, there's a lot going that I'm missing out on -jokes, cool conversations, good  homilies during Mass etc..). At first, I was rather  inspired by the language of the Mass, which is  so strongly oriented on Justice. It still inspires me,however, the general feeling is one of disconnect. Logically, if one is surrounded by people that he doesn't understand, the disconnect is kind of inevitable. There's all kinds of conversation that go on around me daily that I know I won't understand, so often, the reflex is to just stop listening. Which is a shame.

 It's only this past Sunday that I realized the negative influence this 'disconnect' has had on me. The thing is, I'm still very social, and have friends both inside and outside this community. And I am committing myself to the task of language learning as much as my little heart will allow me to ( I'm doing my best, and I'm not completely miserable doing this, but I'm not thriving either). That's not the issue. The issue is what happens to me when I start not caring  about the conversations happening  around me, or even the words during the Mass. My tendency is, the moment a word is said that I don't understand, I just go into my bubble and stop caring about what's being said. For someone who derives inspiration and joy from the Mass, this is indeed dangerous. I'm afraid it's even affected my prayer life a little. Although I'm a bit disconnected, I am still spending most of my time in a Spanish environment, trying to wrestle with what people are telling me and to learn crazy verb tenses. It's exhausting, and at the end of the day, it's easier for me to 'watch my tv shows' than pray.  Thankfully, it doesn't happen too often that the former usurps the latter, but often enough that I was starting to feel concerned about the negative way I've responded to this challenge to my Jesuit life.

   Sunday started off  as an example of a day spent resting, kind of half wasting away. Not a very inspiring day. Even going to Mass in the afternoon was kind of a drag. But the parish here is not. It's a parish with a pretty solid youth group that does all the music. They're only about 15-20 youths involved, but they carry the Mass on their collective young shoulders. There were so many lovely songs that spoke about being present to God in the moment, making ourselves available to his loving grace, allowing his freedom take over our life. This is all stuff that I know I should be doing, but like I said, I'm not necessarily in my best element these days. So what this youth group, this parish and it's energy gave me that day, is the courage to face my demons, and overcome them, by returning to the basics: The simplest elements of my faith teach me to always be praying, no matter what I'm doing, but to always reserve a good hour or so for God, so that the bond between us can grow. But in order to do that, I need to be open. And not just be open to God. To the whole Venezuelan experience. To see where how God appears at many levels of my daily life. In a way, THIS is how I become more loving, and more open to justice in our world. This is how I heed John's call, and  prepare the way of the Lord. It was nice to hear that call again, and to understand what it means for my life.



  This is the greatest grace of the moment for me: Yes, I know I've been struggling with prayer, and with my work here. Nevertheless, though I'm not 100% committed, I see every day as an opportunity to give more and more of myself. Rather than looking at my struggles as opportunity for defeatism, I see it as an opportunity for growth. One might almost say, I thrive on the struggle, because I know it will bring me to a better place. Again..nothing new. However, as I've learned time and time again in my Jesuit life, every experience reminds us of old lessons that we need to re appropriate for ourselves. Re appropriate. I hope y'all know what I mean by that. It's one of my favourite words, but I'm not so good at explaining it!! I can, reclaim would be a synonym. We're never done learning something, as the lessons need to be adapted to new experiences, and can help  us become more free with every new challenge we face.
 Poco a poco, nuestras luchas nos llegan a la libertad. (little by little, our struggles lead us to freedom! I was almost able to say that perfectly. Didn't conjugate the verb well! There's a shocker!!)

Peace to you all

Life and Death in Venezuela ( Part 1)

One of the advantages of our program in Caracas is that our hosts are eager to show us as much as possible of the city and of Jesuit related works -either run by  Jesuits, or by their partners-. As I've said in previous posts, because of this, we've met many people. We even last week went into the home of a 'housing project' (for lack of better word) and talked with the families there. It was a moving visit. We heard about the troubles in the country, most of which revolve around violence. They kept talking about the tragedy that shaped their community: 3 kids killed by drug related violence. The community's response was to get together, as often as possible, and try to move forward, to look at ways to improve their standard of living. They cleaned up the neighbourhood, built new houses and tried their best to provide support for those in need.
 The result is that they're living in a community where people are fairly friendly and close. It's a like a large family. Quite impressive. But it's how they responded to the violence that impressed the most. I have heard of communities coming together during times of crisis, but never like this. The violence has all but disappeared from this part of the city, and this group probably has a lot to do with that. This kind of violence remains an integral part of Venezuelan life. It's the reason we are encouraged to stay put during the week, or at least, to not leave the house unaccompanied. For that reason, for the first month that we were here, the violence remained an almost abstract thing for me. It didn't have a personal dimension. Then we met Cathy.

  Cathy is the Scientists that was our guide when we visited another part of the country. Jhozman and Adam coordinated the effort. They got in touch with her and expressed interest in visiting the Observatories, located high up in the Andes. For 4 hours, Cathy took us around from one station to the next, visiting various telescopes. Not only that, she did it all in flawless  English (at my request). A lovely woman full of life. Lots of passion for her field and for explaining what they do at the observatory. The next day, in gratitude for her time and energy, we took her out for lunch. She told us a bit of her story. As it turns out, she had a boyfriend for many years. He was killed probably by a robber on the streets a few years ago.  It kind of amazed me to hear this person tell us her story, because she was indeed someone was full of life. I know many who would have been emotionally and perhaps psychologically drained by such an incident. But she seemed to have the tenacity to keep on going. It was inspiring. Just as there is much violence and death in this country, there are also  many life giving moemnts, people and places.


 One  such place was a community we met today (June 22). In the heart of the Caracas, amidst all the run down houses and garbage, is a house for Catholic men who are students at the university level. Not unlike Fe y Alegria, they are a community of men that are from poorer backgrounds, and are being given a chance to do  their studies with a little financial help from the community that they live in. It wasn't an inspiring encounter with the guys, but it was a warm one, an intimate one. We met, we chatted, we asked about their lives, they about ours, and we 'bonded'. It was a special (and truly life giving) encounter for me.It's comforting to know that amidst the poverty are little stories of hope that are unfolding in each one of their lives. One guy is studying to become a manager, an other is a Music student, others are doing more technical stuff. All, are being given a chance to make something out of their lives, rather than succumbing to the violence that surrounds them. Truly beautiful, and heart warming to see.
 On the rather unpleasant ride home - I'm not going to lie. Caracas is not one of those cities that I find charming.I don't hate it, but it takes some getting used to. I'll be writing more about that in another blog- we got to a corner where there were many police bikes, and  a big crowd of people gathered on the side walk. I assumed it was just a traffic accident, or maybe an altercation. Yet like everyone else on the bus, I was peering, to try to see what had happened. Then I saw 'it'. 


  In fact, it sounds like we in the bus, all saw 'it' at the same time, as quiet groans were heard and people turned away in shock: A body. Covered by a blanket, with a pool of blood around it. The people on the side walk -there must have been hundreds of them- stood quietly, and just looked on without saying a word as the police tried to direct the traffic until the ambulance arrived..  How many of these happen every day in Caracas?  I actually don't know. One guy told me probably about 5 people a day die in drug related violence across the country -so not just Caracas then-.  This, not unlike the life of the Barrios is SO far removed from my own sheltered little life, that I don't know how to respond to it. That's not true. I'll do what I always do when I feel powerless and small...

 I'll pray.

A Venezuelan Pentacost

 This is a blog which you can also find on the other blogsite I contribute to, but slightly longer than this other version:

Last Sunday, the Church celebrated the feast of the Pentecost. This is not usually a big celebration for me. It may inspire some prayers to the holy spirit, but not much more. Things are a little different in Venezuela. Across the city of Caracas, all night vigils were being held for young people to come celebrate this feast which helps us see how the Spirit can transform our hearts into a missionary heart, one more in union and harmony with the heart of Christ.

  Perhaps the idea of a Pentecost Vigil is not that new to many of you out there, but I had never even heard of such a thing, and due to past experiences with all night vigils and resurrection parties, I was quite excited about this vigil. I should also add, I was also a little crazier than my other Jesuit Brothers who are with me in Venezuela: They attended a vigil where they would be given the freedom to go to sleep. I would not have this freedom, and this point was made perfectly clear to me time and time again by the ones planning it to make sure that I knew what I was getting into.  For some reason, staying up all night celebrating God and his Awesome presence in my life sounded awesome, so I didn’t even hesitate about this. Even the language barrier would not deter me from the not so pleasant prospect of an all-nighter.

  In the end, it turned out to be quite lovely. It was not the spiritual explosion that I may have hoped for –partly because of the aforementioned language barrier. I manage well in Spanish, but there’s still a lot of obstacles along the way- but it was still prayerful and invigorating in many ways. See, despite my struggles with the language, I recognize that the Latinos have a very powerful way of communicating God. Their language, their whole experience of faith and the divine is so immensely rich, that one’s faith can’t help but grow when surrounded by this world. Every day, the language of the Mass inspires me, the spirituality of the people lifts me up, and my heart is filled with the ‘esperenza y allegria’ (hope and joy) that comes with the way they live faith.

   With regards to the Vigil itself however, there is actually quite a lot I could share that is not necessarily related to rich spirituality of the people: this was not just an encounter with God: it was also an encounter with youth, with some aspects of the culture, with ministers and their work, with a behind the scenes look at Jesuits at work in their apostolate  -I was mostly left in awe of the amount of energy the Venezuelan men have for their work- and with other religious communities active in Venezuela. Most of it would be worth sharing, but I would need more than one blog entry to do so.

  In what little space I have left, I’ll say how moved I am by the faith of the people in this country. It’s not uncommon to be walking on the streets of Caracas, and see people cross themselves as they walk past a church. Last weekend, one young lady I spoke to told me that all of this was very superficial, that she wished Venezuelans were more committed to Jesus and to their Catholic faith. She herself rather openly labors to achieve this enthusiasm for the faith among the young by getting them to be publicly excited and joyful in their practice.  Still, I am moved at the expression of people’s faith here –I assume it’s the same across the continent-. It’s refreshing, considering the situation in Canada, especially in Quebec.

I obviously got a taste of that open enthusiasm for the faith during  the Vigil: These 50 or so students were all there on their own volition, not because they had to for school or because their parents forced them, but because of their desire to deepen their faith and to get closer to God. I think the most moving expression of that desire came in the first minute of the vigil or so when all the young people were gathered in a circle, and the animator said something to the effect that they were gathered here to come to praise the gifts of the Spirit given to them by God. The response was a very warm, yet solemn applause. It was one of the loudest applauses of the whole night. Not one with cheering or whooping…just an expression of their gratitude for  God’s greatness.

Some of the other highlights of the Vigil: a) There was one moment of solemn prayer that really drew me into God's presence It was a scary moment though, where I felt that Jesus was personally inviting me to join him on a special journey during this prayer, and that I kept resisting, declining the offer, saying "maybe later". This is a reflection of the mood I spoke of in my last blog, this feeling of being in a rut here in Caracas. It was depressing a little, to know that I would be saying yes to Christ with my religious life, and still be able to say no to him like this, but in my prayer, he just lovingly came back, encouraging me to join him, and if I said no again, I knew he'd be back the next day. There's something both disturbing and comforting around that.  I can take comfort that he is patient with me, but should be disturbed that I'm still capable of this, and be worried how often I can expect this to happen. Many Christians believe that if you keep declining to follow Jesus, eventually, you'll be 'left behind'. I absolutely hate this way of seeing things. It's probably more how humans would behave than how God would.  Still, a part of me recognized that even his infinite patience may have limits, and that scares me a little.

 b) There was something quite magical about being in this tropical country and to experience the sounds one can hear at dusk, in the middle of the night, and at dawn. The sounds all around me with incredibly exotic. Especially in the morning. The birds we heard we so loud, and filled the entire square with their song, yet were probably no bigger than the ones we usualy hear in the morning in Canada. In fact, I hear those same (sparrows and robins and others) here as well, those that gently chirp, as the sun rises, but the college where the Vigil was held -this was actually where we were on our first 2 nights here!- for some reason had more exotic birds around, maybe because of the giant palm trees that populate the campus!. It was quite beautiful, and a little surreal.

c) I really had nothing to do...honestly. So I just walked around took pictures, talked to the brothers. Prayed a very little (like I said, it wasn't the most spiritual experience). And noticed a lot of things. One of the brothers at one point told me he would not be sleeping for a while, that there was too much work to do. And then he quoted the Scripture passage about the apostles that slept while the Lord was calling them before he faced his passion, how he didn't want to be like that. I can relate (-;

  Still, at one particular moment (I photographed the moment in question, but don't have my USB cable with me so I can't really transfer pics yet) near the end of the vigil which really was a bunch of seminars for the kids to attend, one of the girls decided she wouldn't join her group for the last session. The brother who was staying awake despite his exhaustion sat there and watched play her acrobatic game with a string and a rolling plastic object (don't quite know what to call it, but she was essentially bouncing the object off of the string and catching it again. It was quite cool to watch). You can tell he wanted to discipline her, but that he was torn between doing that, or just talking her, or just ignoring her. So he just said " Tu Grupo?" which was meant as a whole sentence: " Why aren't you with your group?" and when she ignored him, he proceeded to just stare at her for the rest of period. It was a little weird, but it was also a lesson  for me as well. There are certain things that are out of our control and we should just let go off.  If he didn't have the energy to discipline her, or even talk to her, he should have just stayed  quiet. In other words:

  The problem with the apostle who stayed up with Christ in the end, is that he has no energy to do much with his presence. It's a noble gesture to do so, but it may not be necessarily what Christ expects from us. I should add, this last segment was by no way a criticism of the the work of the Jesuits scholastics here, simply a reflection of this propensity we have to want to give all to Christ, without thinking of our limitations But I will  indeed repeat that I have nothing but awe for the labours and  mission of the men in this province. They give a lot, and they're never afraid to give more. It's inspiring. These guys have an incredible amount of energy for their vocation and I admire them with all my heart.Through them, many young Venezuelans will encounter God time and time again!! One of the brothers in particular, who was the MC for the evening was the energizer Bunny, he kept going throughout most of the evening and was the heart of the operation. But all of them had so much to contribute, I felt pretty useless next to them, but it was to be expected. I was here as an observer, not a worker.

I should wrap this entry up with my favourite moment of the vigil. As is usually the case with these things, what I long to do most of all is connect with the youth. However, in this case, I felt a little overwhelmed due to language barriers and not knowing what to say to them, so I stayed with being the strong silent type that made eye contact and smiled at people, but not much more. At the very end of the evening, as people were preparing to leave, one group of youth came to me as a group. One girl wanted to speak English to me, the others to ask questions. It was a moment I wished I had captured on film, but my camera had run out battery by that point. We had a cool conversation, which culminated in two of them giving me an example of their freestyle beat boxing -a guy and a girl. They were pretty good!-. It was a conversation that reaffirmed my impressions of the middle class here:  that they're good people with a wonderful sense of the  'Latin American Soul' (some of these kids were extraordinary dancers!), and many of them remind me of young Canadians, but in general, they also have a poor sense of justice in this country, and are a little apathetic towards the people in the Barrios, parts of the town these kids would not be caught dead in.

As I asked in a previous blog, "are we that different?" Sure, there's a great movement going on in Montreal right now, and many people are optimistic of the social change this can bring, but in general, we are just as apathetic as the youth in this country are. I should say, I was quite moved and encouraged when speaking to young people involved with religious communities -either as religious or as lay- who had seen the same movie about the young people in Caracas that I had seen, and were utterly disgusted by their selfishness. In other words, even when there are many who apathetic towards the plight of the poor, there is a rag tag group of people ready to give their lives to them. So long as this continues to happen, I think there will be reason to hope in our world.